Devin’s Story - Journey Over Destination

One of my favorite sayings is "you can only connect the dots looking backwards." Looking back, it's clear we often start out only focused on the journey. As kids, it's easy to be happy and enjoy the moment. I'm not sure about you, but I don’t remember a time when I was swinging on the monkey bars nervous about the next day's spelling assignment.

But somewhere along the way, things change. We start focusing more on the future than the present. It becomes all about getting into the best schools, landing the top jobs, making the most money, having the most followers, and reaching the highest status. The sad part? Most of us get stuck in that mindset the rest of our lives. We end up sacrificing our well-being, relationships, and values for some possible far off achievement. (Spoiler alert…even if you do achieve it, I promise it won't feel as good as you expect.)

So here's my story about shifting from living for the future at the cost of the present to embracing daily fulfillment through gratitude.

As a kid, life was simple. Being present was just natural. I had a big family that got to spend almost every occasion togethers—holidays, summer weekends, vacations, and much more. My cousins became my first best friends and I loved nothing more than getting to share experiences with them. I don't think I released how much I valued those shared experiences, overlapping interests, deep conversations and getting to be there for the people who mattered most in my life. But looking back, that sense of community and connection was incredibly fulfilling.

I guess that's why I found myself involved in so many teams, clubs and organizations throughout my youth. Back then, it was all about having fun and enjoying what I was doing. However, as I grew older, especially when I entered college, I began feeling pressure to be the best. Be the top player, get the highest grades, strive for the best job, the most money, the highest status.

Over time, I started focusing only on the outcomes. It seemed important to win and succeed in everything. I thought achieving my goals would bring happiness and relief. But you know what? You're never quite as happy as you expect. In fact, it was always short-lived.

And when I didn't achieve those goals? It felt like the end of the world. That you wouldn't amount to anything ever. And trust me, those moments aren't so fleeting.

That pressure led me to a terrible achievement focused cycle where I thought winning would bring me happiness but it only cost me my peace of mind. My mental health took major hits, I fell into deeper depression, and I started losing touch with the very activities that used to light up my life.

Playing soccer, seeing family, reading books, helping others and any of my joys in life stopped being things "I get to do" and started becoming things "I have to do."

As my fiancée saw the toll it was taking on me, she nudged me towards therapy. There, I discovered how shifting my mindset to focus on gratitude could really turn things around. I started jotting down one thing I was grateful for every day. After one month, it started to help bring me back to the moment. I remembered not everything was bad…I still got up this morning, it was a sunny day, I get to work in roles where I'm learning a lot, I have loving people around me.

I expanded this practice by asking myself questions like: What made me smile today? What am I looking forward to? Who am I thankful for? What’s something fun I get to do today?

After a while, this new focus really changed how I approached life. For the first time since I was a kid, I started to spend more time enjoying the present and less time worrying about the future. I began to find joy in what I was doing right then and there.

This change led me back to wanting to help others build meaningful connections. I began working on exciting new projects and living in a way that focused on enjoying the process itself. This journey out of depression allowed me to focus on things I’m passionate about, like writing the buildbetter newsletter for building meaningful relationships in all aspects of your life and growing Gratitude Plus, the only app that helps you deepen your relationships while building a gratitude habit.

Through this whole experience, I've realized that true fulfillment isn't about reaching some distant goal. It’s about enjoying each day and finding joy in the little things.

Check out Devin’s buildbetter newsletter, the weekly guide to understanding and building meaningful relationships in all aspects of your life.

Do you have stories or insights to share? We'd love to hear your story!